Ow!

First things first. I humbly beg your forgiveness. This is my first confession. Oh. Wait. Wrong religion. You get the idea, anyway.

Here's the thing. This week, I blogged about politics for three days out of seven, which is 43%. I have a 50% quota, so I hate to tell ya, but it's time to switch gears, mostly because I'm concerned that I'm in danger of giving you the impression that I'm that kind of a person. You know, one who cares deeply about important issues in our society and culture and who spends her days in critical policy analysis. Not so much. I'm more of a rant-for-a-while-and-then-go-back-to-people-magazine-and-musing-about-weird-things kind of a person.

So, without further ado, we now return to our regularly scheduled programming (I would tell you to get up and change the channel, but no one would know what I was talking about, since no one has gotten up to change a channel in, oh, a gazillion years. Is there even a way to change a channel anymore?).

Sorry. Ahem. Got a little off-track. Funny, that's never happened before.

Pinching. I want to talk about pinching.

What? Yes, of COURSE it's important as the state of our economy, ethics in capitalism (now there's a contradiction in terms) and civil rights. Are you kidding?

When I was little, I was pinched at school on St. Patrick's Day. A lot. It hurt. It was supposed to be in fun, but it sure didn't seem like it. It felt like a way to say "you're so stupid you can't even remember the RULES--any idiot knows you're supposed to wear green on March 17!" Oh. Okay.

Were you pinched? Do kids still do that? (I really hope not, but I'm not placing any wagers, especially here in Massachusetts)

Yeah, I know. I should have worn green, I was supposed to wear green, I wouldn't have gotten pinched if I had worn green. Yeah, right. Truth is, I never thought of it. I didn't think of it today, either, which is why I'm wearing jeans and a brown sweater, which reminds me that I'm supposed to be working on wearing brighter colors, which is hard because so many clothes in my size are dull colors, which is because people my size are supposed to either be "hidden" or be a slave to black which is "slimming", which would make you think I am huge, which I'm not, and even if I was, what does that have to do with my affinity for color, which reminds me of one of my favorite lines in one of my favorite movies:

"I'll never understand this mania for black. Nobody sends black flowers, do they? Black flowers are dead flowers. Who sends dead flowers to a funeral? It's absurd."

(Which has nothing to do with anything, except it makes me feel grounded, and I wanted to get it in one of these days.)

So here I am, 50 years old, and I have never known (nor for some reason been curious about until now, that's what a challenge to blog every day will do for you) the reason that people (is it just children?) are pinched on St. Patrick's Day. As shocking as it may seem, St. Patrick's Day is not really on my radar. You'd think the pain would have put it on my radar, but sadly, no. Any holiday that inspires tyranny in small children, I'm not so into that.

So today, I looked it up. Not for myself, mind you. For you. Because I bet some of you don't know either.

You're welcome.

Guess what I found out?

I found out that it has nothing to do with St.Patrick, and it has nothing to do with Ireland (they don't do it there). It's an American tradition, likely started by school children. Figures.

There are a few theories that seem to predominate:

Leprechauns pinch everyone they see, and green makes you invisible to leprechauns. (I'm not eating Lucky Charms ever again)

People are pinched to remind them to honor Ireland by wearing green. (Everyone? Should we all be wearing light blue on May 14?)

And my favorite one....because it was the one day in the year when you could get away with pinching someone in school without getting in trouble.

Ah. The joys of childhood.

That being said, I've got nothing against the holiday, the color, or the country....only the part that makes you say "ow". As in all things, I turn to the music, which is, of course, wonderful. So, if you're one who celebrates this day, please accept this as my St. Patricks Day offering (and somebody please leave me a comment and tell me who that big guy dancing in the background is!):